Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Laying Down My Mask

I'm going to be really open and vulnerable with you on this post and trust me, it isn't easy for me. I would not be sharing these feelings with you, except I feel God telling me to because someone else needs to read it. Someone else needs to know they aren't the only ones that feel this way and that it's okay. 

I believe it's time we, as sisters in Christ, lay down the masks and be real. We have to be open. We have to let others know it's okay to not have it all together. How can we build each other up if we don't even know we are falling down?

I don't know where to start other than just jump in and blurt it all out. 

So here it goes...

I feel guilty. A lot. About a lot of things. 

I feel like I'm not teaching my children enough.

I feel like I don't take care of my home enough.

I feel like I don't take care of my family's needs enough.

I feel like I don't work my business enough.

I feel like I don't take care of my blog enough.

I feel like I don't exercise enough.

I feel like a slacker.

I feel like a failure in each of those areas. I feel like I should do better. Like I should do more.

Anytime I rest or stop and enjoy something fun with my kids, I feel lazy.

It's a never ending battle in my mind. A constant war of my thoughts.

I always have this feeling of guilt that I could have done more or done it better. 

But deep, deep down, I know that isn't true. That's where the battle lies. 

My heart says "it's okay to watch a movie with my children," my mind says "look at all you didn't get done because you wasted all that time on a movie". 

My heart says, "Kim, you taught your kids to love Jesus and how to learn anything they need to know. That is the important thing."  My mind says, "Look at how many assignments are left undone. What if they don't know enough?"

I know those lies and feelings of condemnation are from the devil. I know that. But it doesn't make them go away. 

I don't have all the answers of how to fix this yet, but I'm getting there. I'm still learning. I'm still growing. And I refuse to live in this "less than" state.

One thing I have learned, is that I am not enough. I'm just not. But Jesus is. Jesus is enough and I have Jesus. That's enough. 

So for now, I will rest in this truth, Jesus is enough. I do not have to be perfect, God does not expect me to be. He knows I can't be. But He loves me. He loves me no matter how many times I screw up. He loves me no matter how I feel about myself. His love NEVER changes. EVER. 

So my sweet sister, I can't offer you answers. Yet. But I can offer you encouragement and love and I will tell you that you are not alone. I am with you. God is with you. And there is hope.

I will keep sharing my journey and what I'm learning through it all. I will keep being real and open and vulnerable. I will be here to encourage you and lift you up. And we will say, "Whew! I'm not alone!"

Monday, February 27, 2017

How Am I Making Others Feel?

Have you ever been so moved by someone that you couldn't stop thinking about the encounter with them?

Moved because just being around this person made you feel special, they made you feel important and loved?

I had an encounter like that recently and it touched my heart so much that I just could not stop thinking about it. 

Let me fill in a few details for you...

My daughter and I had gone to a book tour and were attending the "meet and greet" time, okay they didn't call it that but that's what it was. You know, you stand in a line with a bunch of other women to get your chance for a few words and a quick picture with the "celebrity", then you move on and let the next person have their two minutes with them.

Anyway, we were standing in line to have the worship leader sign our journals and get our picture with her and realized it was taking a very long time even though the line was relatively short. You see, this person did not have anyone "supervising" and "regulating" how long she spent with each fan like the author did. Now don't get me wrong, I totally understand the need to manage time and usher people through, otherwise the line would never move and we'd be there all night. I get it.

But you see the thing is, that because this person didn't have anyone doing that, we got to witness something extremely beautiful. 

This person radiated love and genuineness to each person in that line. When it was your turn to meet her, she greeted you with a warm smile and a huge, tight hug. It was not a one arm, this is part of meeting everyone kind of hug. I'm telling you she squeezed you and held on to you for a moment and it was genuine. She apologized for the long wait and looked into your eyes as you spoke. She laughed, she took selfies, she prayed with those that needed it and she had dozens of conversations with strangers like she had known each of them for years. For those moments in her presence, you couldn't help but feel loved and noticed. She made you feel like whatever you were saying was all that was important in that moment. That you were important.

It really got me thinking.

Do people feel like this from being around me?

Do I make people feel loved and important?

Unfortunately, I don't think so.

But because I experienced this with her, it has inspired me.

You see, I know that is was Jesus' love inside her that was oozing out onto everyone she came in contact with. It wasn't just her, it was Jesus in her.

And to me that is exciting.

It's exciting because it gives me hope that I can be like that.

I can pray and ask Jesus to help me, I can ask Him to fill me so full that He overflows onto everyone I meet.

I can be intentional and I can grow these qualities in myself that I saw in her.

It may take awhile and I have no doubt it will take a lot of effort on my part, at least at first, but I know I can develop these qualities.

Not because it's me, but because I have Jesus in me.

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Letting Go of Fear

I didn't realize it at first, but I had let fear and perfectionism stop me from doing what God had called me to do.

God told me to create WHEW Tribe to encourage and lift up other women; to let them know they were not alone.

I made excuses: I don't have time, I don't know what to write, I don't know what they need, and on and on...

But the truth is...

I was afraid of what some people might say if I wrote what was really on my heart.

I was afraid of the criticism I might get if I didn't write properly, using the right grammar and punctuation. Because goodness knows it's been a long time since I was in school.

I was afraid of the negative comments I might get; of the theological debates that might ensue if I shared my beliefs. I am not a theologian by any means. 


It's such a powerful thing.

A crippling thing.

But do you know what? All of those things I was afraid of weren't even REAL! They were all things that MIGHT happen, things I let the devil whisper in my ear to keep me from DOING what I was called to do. 

It kept me from doing anything. 

The fear of doing it wrong kept me from doing it at all. 

But then God.

God spoke to me.

Earlier this month I had the privilege of attending IF:Gathering in Austin, TX with three of my best friends. We had a BLAST! Oh my goodness- we laughed, we cried and we laughed so hard we cried! But we also drew near to Jesus. We worshiped. We prayed. We leaned in close.

And He met us there.

He'll meet you anywhere, He will.

But let me just tell you, He was there.

He knew what I needed to hear and He spoke it right to me through Jennie Allen (and some other pretty amazing women). I learned from each of them, but Jennie is the one that spoke what I needed to hear.

I was reminded of my calling, my mission. I am to disciple other women. I am to share Jesus' love with them. I don't need to grow a big blog. I don't need to write a book. I just need to love Jesus and give Him away. 

That's it. Love Jesus and give Him away.

It's that simple.

I was trying to make it hard, trying to make some big thing of it. When all I have to do is love Him and then share Him with others.

Okay God, I can do that.

But wait...
there was more for me.

God also reminded me of a very important truth.....I have nothing to prove. Again through Jennie Allen, this truth resonated with me so deeply I can't even describe it to you. 

I don't have to prove anything to anyone.

I am enough.

Just as I am.

Because I have Jesus...

and Jesus is enough.

This one truth is unbelievably freeing.

I've only begun to dig into this concept through Jennie's new book, Nothing to Prove, but I can tell you that even if I don't read another word, it has changed everything for me.

I can quit struggling.

I can quit trying to live up to some image I've created in my mind.

I can be who God created me to be and that is enough.

So here I am.. in all my imperfections..ready to share the love of Jesus with anyone willing to listen.

I pray you are blessed and encouraged, but mostly I pray you feel Jesus' love here.

~ Kim

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Christmas Break

Hello sweet friends!

I just wanted to take a minute and let you know I am taking a Christmas break and won't be blogging this week.

I hope you all enjoy your Christmas - may it be a blessed time!

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Calm My Anxious Heart Giveaway

It's almost Christmas!!

And because I love Christmas time and I love my WHEW Tribe,

I'm giving away this book!!

What better way to kick off the new year than by doing a 12 week Bible study about worry and contentment!

Here is what has to say about it:

"Women worry a lot. We fret about our children, our friends, our careers, our spouses---the list goes on and on! If you're tired of being held hostage to a million "what ifs," Dillow's 12-week Bible study will provide the help you need to exchange your anxieties for godly peace and contentment."

I know this book was published several years ago, but if you haven't read it yet, I think it's an excellent study. 

So, I'd like to share it with one of you. 

Use the Rafflecopter below to enter. 

I will announce the winner on my Facebook page on December 23, 2016.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

If the widget above does not work for you, you can enter here.

Good luck

*I will mail the book media mail the week after Christmas.