WHEW Tribe

I have let Satan win. Again.  Ugh, will I ever learn?  Maybe. But maybe not. Even as I am writing this, I'm giving in again. I hear that voice of perfectionism in my head that is critiquing every word I type to make sure I'm saying everything correctly, that I'm using just the right words to get my point across. This voice is what keeps me from blogging more, it tells me I have to know just what to say and how to say it correctly and let's not forget about proper punctuation. Every time I think about writing a post, this voice starts questioning me: what do you think they want to hear, what picture are you going to use with the post, do you really have time to sit down and write, what about all your housework? So, I don't write. I don't share with you what is on my heart, because I listen to that voice. That same voice also tells me that I'm a failure and that if I share what's really on my heart, you will all see just how many times...

Serving others joyfully does not come naturally to me.  It is not one of my gifts. But I wish it was... and I'm working on being better about it. God has really been speaking to my heart lately that I had fallen back into the trap of selfishness, which easily leads to bitterness and resentment if I'm not careful. I can start having thoughts such as "Why am I the only one that ever picks up around here?" or "When do I get a day off?" and those thoughts are very unhealthy for me. If I buy into those thoughts, I can become bitter toward my family and resent serving them.  I become irritable and grumpy.

Hymn to a Good Wife 10-31  A good woman is hard to find,      and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve,      and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously      all her life long. She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,      and enjoys knitting and sewing. She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places      and brings back exotic surprises. She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast      for her family and organizing her day. She looks over a field and buys it,      then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden. First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,      rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work,      is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She’s skilled in the crafts o...

I'm going to be really open and vulnerable with you on this post and trust me, it isn't easy for me. I would not be sharing these feelings with you, except I feel God telling me to because someone else needs to read it. Someone else needs to know they aren't the only ones that feel this way and that it's okay.  I believe it's time we, as sisters in Christ, lay down the masks and be real. We have to be open. We have to let others know it's okay to not have it all together. How can we build each other up if we don't even know we are falling down? I don't know where to start other than just jump in and blurt it all out.  So here it goes...

Have you ever been so moved by someone that you couldn't stop thinking about the encounter with them? Moved because just being around this person made you feel special, they made you feel important and loved? I had an encounter like that recently and it touched my heart so much that I just could not stop thinking about it.  Let me fill in a few details for you...

I didn't realize it at first, but I had let fear and perfectionism stop me from doing what God had called me to do. God told me to create WHEW Tribe to encourage and lift up other women; to let them know they were not alone. I made excuses: I don't have time, I don't know what to write, I don't know what they need, and on and on... But the truth is... I was afraid of what some people  might say if I wrote what was really on my heart. I was afraid of the criticism I might get if I didn't write properly, using the right grammar and punctuation. Because goodness knows it's been a long time since I was in school. I was afraid of the negative comments I might get; of the theological debates that might ensue if I shared my beliefs. I am not a theologian by any means.  Fear.  It's such a powerful thing. A crippling thing. But do you know what? All of those things I was afraid of weren't even REAL ! They were all thing...