Sometimes I Don't Like Serving Others

I don't always enjoy serving others.

There, I said it out loud. 

I hate it. I hate that I sometimes I take on the role of Martha when she whined to the Lord -

I have thought this same thing so many times. Don't they see me doing all this work? Why are they not helping? Why am I the one that always has to _________? 

It's ugly. Those thoughts are ugly and selfish. But I have them.

Not all the time, but I wish it was never. 

I wish that I would serve everyone, all of the time without one single thought of myself.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Phil 2:3

I'm trying. Really I am.

When I feel those thoughts coming up, I try very hard to quiet them. I try to remember these scriptures. I remind myself what a blessing it is to be able to serve and to have others to serve.

I started writing in my prayer journal what kind of woman I want to be and verses that will help me become that woman.  

Now Simon's mother-in-law was ill with a high fever, and they appealed to him on her behalf. And he stood over her and rebuked the fever, and it left her, and immediately she rose and began to serve them. Luke 4:38,39

Serve the Lord with gladness! Psalm 100:2

These are just a few, I could go on for several pages!

I know that meditating on verses that relate to selfishness, serving, laziness and pride will all help me. I know they are all important. 

And I pray.

I have to pray often. 

I used to look to other women as examples of servants, but I had to quit doing that because it only became a comparison trap. I would feel guilty for not serving as cheerfully as she was, or as well as she was. But the truth of it is that I can't see in her heart and she may be serving with a Martha heart also - maybe she just hides it better. Or maybe it's her spiritual gift and she does it without one single thought of herself. Either way, it doesn't matter. I'm only to compare myself to Jesus.

I'm to follow his example.

And He was most definitely a servant. 

A servant to the death. 

I'm not there yet, not even close. But I'm trying.

So for now I pray, I meditate on scripture and I remember the blessings I have received in the past from serving.

And if you've ever had a Martha heart while serving, I hope these things will help you as well and that you will know you are not alone.